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Uncle Meat Film Excerpt Part 1

アーティスト：The Mothers of Invention  アルバム：Uncle Meat 

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0:00 FZ: We're shooting the uh, title sequence for Uncle Meat right now, which is the name of the Mothers of Invention movie that we've been working on for about three years . . . without too much success. Don: Boy, we really need a hit single . . . Just think, I mean, the way the world's going today . . . with all the problems in it . . . I think I can actually change the world, because it's the young people that really need to be changed, and, and you can really do that through music and everything . . . This was our last hit single . . . it was really a bummer, they wouldn't even play it on the radio . . . Oh, well, gotta come up with something better than that . . . 1:34 Don: Good evening, this is Biff Debris. Phyllis: You know . . . it's too much, I know. Don: Coming to you from the motel. Phyllis: Look at that monster. Don: Where . . . FZ: Ha ha ha ha! Phyllis: What are they laughing about? He looks so beautiful when they laugh . . . Don: That's what my psychiatrist used to say . . . Phyllis: Twelve years. It's the same story there with that song, I don't know what I'm doing, but look, look at the way he's changing . . . Oh, I remember that in the shower, the first time with the hamburger. Oh, that was good . . . But, I don't know, twelve years marriage, you get tired of the same thing. But I don't know, I can try it again sometime. Oh, look there's Minnesota! He was a great guy, Minnesota Tishman . . . Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era Phyllis: He was a nice guy . . . Don: Don't you feel it coming? Phyllis: He was, he was okay in this time. He's washed up now, I heard about it though. 2:20 Ray: What is it you're doing, Mr. Tishman? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it Aynsley: . . . pool? Phyllis: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat, and while he was eating I would ask him what he's doing. Haskell Wexler: What the hell are we doing in this bathroom? FZ: I'm going to . . . While you stand there and take pictures of that, I'm gonna tell you the, the plot of the movie. Alright. Basically what we're going to do, today, is spend some time around the house while you meet the people that you're going to be photographing for the rest of the week . . . and we discuss some of the absurdities . . . Haskell Wexler: Absurdities? FZ: Yes, we're just dealing with the . . . the absurdities of making the movie in the first place and especially about the Mothers of Invention . . . 3:20 Guy From Alabama: You wanna have a circle-jerk? Aynsley: The who? Guy From Alabama: Circle-jerk. Aynsley: A circle jerk? What's that? Guy From Alabama: That's where you get everybody around and bet yer meat and see who can get it the fastest. Aynsley: Yeah? Guy From Alabama: Yeah, and whoever wins gets nineteen kegs Aynsley: Nineteen who? Guy From Alabama: Kegs, you know . . . Aynsley: Cakes of what? Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool! Aynsley: Cakes. Cheers. Yeah, anyway. FZ: What could that possibly mean . . . hmmm, I wonder what happens if you go like this . . . 3:42 Ray: What is it that you're doing with this? Carl: I'm using the . . . FZ: You know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would talk to him while he was eating, and I would ask him what he's doing. And he would say, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." Phyllis: Ok . . . Don: Can I borrow your comb? Phyllis: You know what I used to do? Ray: What are you doing with that? Phyllis: I used to watch him eat. Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Phyllis: You know, you know what I used to do? I used to watch him eat. And while he was eating, I would ask him, "What are you doing?" FZ: Do it again. Ray: Why is he using a chicken to measure it? Phyllis: And he would say, "I'm using the chicken to measure it." What did he mean by that? Ray: . . . he's using the chicken to measure it Phyllis: Till this day I don't know what he's talking about . . . FZ: Do it again. Phyllis: That Tishman. That Minnesota Tishman . . . What a guy . . . 4:22 Guy From Alabama: Eight inches or less? Aynsley: Uh . . . eight inches. Guy From Alabama: Eight inches? Well, I'll get your kind of women, there, man. Aynsley: You can? Yes, it's cool . . . Guy From Alabama: Oh, they got some whores there you wouldn't believe! Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool! Guy From Alabama: You can just . . . fall right in. Aynsley: But do they play pool? 4:32 Phyllis: What a guy, what a sense of humour . . . The way he used to . . . let me get back to that. FZ: Look at the way he hands that chicken . . . Aynsley: Do you want another ball? FZ: He had a way with that chicken . . . Phyllis: He . . . look at the way he handles that chicken, he had a way . . . look at the way he holds it, and fondles it, and he put it right near his privates . . . Aynsley: But that's cool, still Guy From Alabama: That's cool, yeah. Aynsley: That's cool, yeah, I sort of followed the . . . Guy From Alabama: I'm using the chicken to measure it, though Aynsley: You were? Guy From Alabama: Yeah. Aynsley: Yeah, where's the shit . . . or the white dove? Guy From Alabama: I'm up to my knees in shit, man. Aynsley: Really. Guy From Alabama: There's all kind of shit, now about . . . all smokin' shit . . . 5:00 Massimo: And now, we are going to translate: "This is my left hand." Repeat after me: "Questa e' la mia mano sinistra." And now: "This is my right hand." Repeat after me: "Questa e' la mia mano destra." Ray: What is it you're doing? Carl: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Have you ever used a chicken to measure it? Meredith: Gee Jimmy, that's cool! Guy From Alabama: I f**ked a chicken . . . 5:25 Don: We're coming to the beginning of a new era wherein the development of the inner self is the most important thing. We have to train ourselves. So that we can improvise on anything: a bird, a sock, a fuming beaker. This is, this too can be music. Anything can be music. FZ: Hello? Yeah, are you busy? Well I was wondering --this is Frank-- can you come, yeah, can you come over here and be in our uh, teen-age movie? Okay, well, I'll tell you what the action is . . . Phyllis: He's eating. FZ: Ok, he's eating, you see . . . Don Preston . . . Well, it depends, mostly it's a hamburger, sometimes, well he doesn't wanna eat the hamburger, 'cause he's a vegetarian . . . Okay now, Phyllis is here . . . Phyllis . . . Phyllis: Who's Phyllis? FZ: No, no, no, Phyllis is the girl that's the, my assistant editor on the, on the film . . . Yeah, she used to be Tom Wilson's secretary . . . Ok . . . You remember Tom Wilson were gonna run for President? 6:51 Aynsley: You're Tom Wilson? Carl: Yeah. Aynsley: Yeah? Carl: Then she came out here work on the Woodstock festival. Ray: What are you doing with that chicken? Carl: And then uh, then . . . Ray: I was measuring the ball. Carl: Then Frank hired her to work on the Mothers movie. 7:00 Phyllis: Hi, I'm Phyllis Altenhaus, and I'm working with Frank Zappa on his film Uncle Meat, in Hollywood. I'm a little nervous doing this 'cause it's the first time I'd even been a star in a film. I originally started working for Frank as his assistant editor on the film Uncle Meat, and one day we were sitting around watching the Festival Hall shots, the rushes, and I saw Don come on the screen --Don Preston plays the monster-- and I said, "Frank, look at Don! He's turning into a monster! I'm gonna vomit!" FZ: When she sees him turning into a monster she has to vomit. Phyllis: Frank said, "That's it, that's the opening of the line, that, that, I mean, that's the opening of the picture." I said, "Frank, I can't be in your picture, first of all, I have such a bad Brooklyn accent, I'm embarrased by the whole thing!" And he said, "Don't worry, you'll do it." So, you know, with Frank, he has a certain way about him, I mean he just gets people to do these things. Don: He just makes me sick when he changes into a monster. Phyllis: Why? Why does he make you sick? Don: Oh, can't you see it how, how . . . ugly it is that, being that monster? Oh, just, I can't stand it, I, I think I'm gonna be sick, I have to vomit. FZ: She just, she tells me she has to vomit, see. She's trying to make me believe that it makes her sick when he turns into a monster. Phyllis: There's something about that that gets me so nauseous, I don't know what it is. Look at that, look at that. FZ: Yeah, but it's not true. Well, you see, it gets her hot. Phyllis: There's something so sexy about him. When he comes on that stage, I get so hot just looking at him drinking that, that smoke stuff, I don't know what it is. I don't even care if he turns into a monster, I love it . . . Don: Oh dear! Phyllis: Look at that, oh him with the cape, but he doesn't, he walks away. It's such a hot move and he, he's so terrific when he goes back to that gong, oh, that's so nice . . . Boy, I hope no one ever finds out I love it so much, that hot monster . . . oh, ooh . . . Don: You're really good at those dials, baby. You're the most manipulating person I've ever seen. Phyllis: I don't like to be called manipulating, that's for sure, but I like to think of myself as being hot. FZ: She gets hot. And then she runs into the toilet, and she stands in front of the mirror and she makes faces to herself so she can turn into a monster. Isn't it cute? That's right, then, when she does that, and she's having a fantasy that she's turning into a monster, the monster comes out of the toilet from behind her. 9:30 Phyllis: Oh . . . a little lower, please. Don: How do you work all those controls in there? That's really fantastic . . . Phyllis: Oh, it's nothing. Don: All of those buttons and switches . . . Phyllis: It's nothing. Look, look what's going on there! Oh . . . oh, wow, this . . . Don: I just can't see how a girl could do all that. Phyllis: Oh, now with the, the Women's Liberation Front we can do anything, you're kidding? Oh . . . oh! It's so good! Don: This girl obviously has some sort of demented problem in where she, she likes uh, monsters that drink foamy vile liquid and uh transform. It must be some uh, connection in her past, in her childhood of something. Maybe her father didn't demonstrate enough uh, affection for her. It's a . . . Phyllis: Oh . . . it's been so long . . . Don: Tell me, did your father demonstrate any affection for you? Phyllis: I've been watching you on the screen for four weeks . . . Finally, my monster . . . Is it real? Is it really you? Oh that feels, oh, monster, can I have a bite off of your apple? Don: Mm . . . I think that uh . . . Phyllis: It's so nice to be here with a monster finally . . . Don: It must be uh, her mother and father probably told her that she's real ugly and awkward and dumb and everything . . . Phyllis: It's a good apple, monster. Don: And so she relates to people that are ugly, dumb and awkward. Phyllis: Let me take off your hat so I can really see what's happening underneath there. Just what I thought, a monster head. Don: You'll find this is quite common in uh, today's society Phyllis: It's like Adam and Eve and the apple . . . Finally, here's my monster . . . after all this time . . . Don: That's why monster movies are so popular, you know? Phyllis: I'd waited and waited . . . Don: D'you know how many a monster movie costs to make? Phyllis: And there he is, he's right here. Don: Monster movies really cost a lot of money. Phyllis: Sitting with me, I can't believe it! Is it really you, monster? Don: And our young society today goes to all these monster movies and they see them on television night after night. Phyllis: It's so terrific to be with the monster. Don: We're raising a new generation of monster lovers. Phyllis: I've been waiting so long for the monster . . . Maybe this'll be the real thing. 12:20 Don: He's changing into a monster! You should see this! God, I get so hot! Aynsley: Would you like a quick vibrator? Now you've ruined the whole thing Carl: Have I? I'll take one down! Aynsley: Oh, cheers . . . Carl: I thought you get the walking four balls. Aynsley: No no . . . Carl: It's difficult to walk on three. Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Carl: Don? Don: I'm using the chicken to measure it. Aynsley: Charles. Phyllis: Aynsley Dunbar, who's playing with Frank now, this real English popstar, very attractive guy, and he's like into a whole groupie thing with whips and things, don't ask me, and Frank got this great idea, actually he gets this great idea for me, to have Aynsley in the Hollywood Ranch Market, which we just did last night, hit him with toilet brushes. It's, it's a little dumb but I went along with it, you know, what else are you gonna do? You're getting paid and uh, you do these things. 13:19 Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . cleanser . . . Aynsley: Hello, there! Phyllis: Cleanser . . . cleanser . . . Aynsley: Say, could you do me a favour? Could you beat me with a toilet brush? Phyllis: Beat you with a toilet brush? Aynsley: Shhh . . . someone might hear . . . yes, beat me with a toilet brush. Phyllis: What's your name? Aynsley: Ah, hello, my name is Aynsley Dunbar and I, I'm very interested in whips and canes, etc. I'm gonna fill, fill you in about uh, my background. FZ: Are you absolutely serious about this? You really like whips and canes? Aynsley: Oh yeah, yeah. FZ: And you like--? Aynsley: I didn't have too much chance to use 'em here, as yet, because it's, you know the screams and that, would most likely wake the kids up! No, actually I'm moving on though to toilet brushes and things, 'cause I think they'll be coming in this year . . . definitely. Phyllis: You want me to beat you with the toilet brush? Aynsley: Yes. Phyllis: I mean like uh, I'm ready! 14:37 Phyllis: You know, I'll tell you something, I find myself saying, "I'm ready," you know, and like, I slap my face when I'm saying, "I'm ready," because it's like uh, in the house I'm saying, "I'm ready," you know? And . . . there has to be a limit. Phyllis: That's a whip, I guessed right, you know I saw this handle sticking up here and I like, I, I guessed it right on first, you know? Like I know . . . FZ: Beat him while you're talking. Phyllis: You know like . . . I tell you something. I hope it's not getting your kidney or anything like that. Aynsley: Oh look, keep, keep, just keep it high, just keep it high. Phyllis: You know what I mean? I got worried about those things, I got . . . you know I'm humane, Aquarius and all this . . . Aynsley: That's great . . . that's. . . Phyllis: Venus is arising, you know, I'm humane. Aynsley: Just keep it high. Oh, love it, yeah, right. Phyllis: Uhm . . . well, let's see . . . FZ: Ask him, "Does it get you hot?" Phyllis: Is it getting you hot? Aynsley: Oh, maybe it would do if I had another 'bout fifteen people. 15:20 Don: I know what gets you hot. Hamburgers get you hot, 'cause I picked you up in the pool hall! Phyllis: You don't know what gets me hot, you don't have the faintest idea what gets me hot! Don: Sure! Hamburgers! Look at this . . . Phyllis: I can't take it . . . Don: See that? Phyllis: I can't take it . . . oh, God, that hamburger! Don: But you don't know what gets me hot. Phyllis: I'd bet I know what gets you hot. Sticks, sticks on your body on a table get you hot. Don: I'm getting hot! . . . When I was drinking the potion . . . and that hat and that cape and everything . . . just incredible . . . I'd . . . wonder what it's like to, to change into a monster . . . it must be really great. Phyllis: It's just so wonderful. Give me a bite of the apple there . . . Mmm, oh, my monster! Oh, that's so terr-- Oh! I love that, when a monster does that, mm . . . Well, I've just been thinking, monster, we can take rides in the country in the Volkswagen . . . and, my monster, you're feeling me up, my monster. FZ: It does get you hot. Phyllis: Well . . . it doesn't get me hot. FZ: I saw you laying on the floor in the corner with him! Phyllis: I, it wasn't me laying in the corner! That was, that wasn't me! FZ: Ha ha . . . Who was it? Phyllis: That was Sheba! It wasn't me! FZ: Who is Sheba? Ha ha! Phyllis: Sheba is the one that's in love with Don. 17:09 Don: And why, why do you like monsters? Phyllis: It's, it's not their looks, it's the intellectual thing that comes across, you know, you could tell that, I, looks aren't important to me, it's something about the intelligence. When you mix that potion, you know when I've seen you mix that potion, I don't know, it's the intellectual way I get hot. Don: Yeah, but what causes this? Phyllis: You know what I mean? Don: I mean, well . . . Phyllis: It's, it's hotness. 17:39 Phyllis: It used to be very, it was really nice and quiet in this place, that's why I came here, because of the feeling like, like a place to get away from things, and now what's going on, it's like all noise and . . . I don't know, it doesn't . . . wherever you go nowadays it's the same thing, all these guys they're so disgusting, I can't stand it . . . Don: Look, anybody . . . anybody sitting here? Phyllis: No! Go right ahead, sit down! Don: Thanks. Anybody drinking this beer in here? Phyllis: No, I don't know what the bartender . . . he just left it there, I don't know what's going on . . . Don: My name is Biff Debris. Phyllis: Oh, hi! Sheba Flieschman. Don: How d'you do? Phyllis: So and uh, your name is Biff Debris. Don: Yeah. Phyllis: You know, funny thing, if we got married my name would be Sheba DeBiff. Don: My name is Biff Debris, not Debris DeBiff. Phyllis: Debris? Don: Yeah. Phyllis: Biff Debris . . . well, I'll tell you something, I once knew someone whose name was Dubois. It, it sort of sounds like Debris, you know what I mean? Like, is that French, or what? Don: Well, actually I'm part Mohawk and part Norwegian. Phyllis: Excuse me. Is the hamburger ready yet? Don: What sign are you? Phyllis: Uh, I'm Aquarius with Venus rising on my past. Don: Really? Phyllis: Yeah. It's really good sign because it's the Aquarian age now, you know? And like, it's all coming together. You know what I mean by coming together? Don: Yeah. Phyllis: I think since I came from New York, you know, I'm really . . . Don: Are you from New York? Phyllis: Yeah, you can't tell! Huh? Don: No . . . Phyllis: I tell you something, so it really means that I'm losing my accent, you know, because the other day I was talking to someone and they couldn't guess either, well, I asked them, I said to them, "Where do you think I'm from?" And you know they said, they said, "New Jersey," you know, so, and New Jersey accent is really completely different, you know? Like, it depends so, if you come from Patterson, it's different from Trenton and Orange County, but you know, I say "Orange" like this, "Orange," 'cause that's in California they say, "Orange," you know? Don: What's the, what's the matter with uh, Debris? Phyllis: That's one thing I stayed away from. Don: Alright, you're free . . . Phyllis: I think that you can really be high on your own intellectual stratification. Don: Hamburgers. Phyllis: Don't say hamburgers, it gets me so hot . . . Don: But you don't know what gets me hot, you see . . . Phyllis: I know what gets you hot! Don: No, no . . . Phyllis: I saw it in the pool hall Don: You saw that? Phyllis: Yeah! Don: That isn't what does it, you see. It really isn't. Phyllis: Well, well, what is it? You know, like if it's not that, then what is it? Don: Well . . . Phyllis: Well, don't be embarrassed! You can tell me, you know? Like I'm . . . Don: Showers. Phyllis: Showers? Don: Showers. Phyllis: Well, okay, you know, I can go see that, I can see, I can understand showers. Don: Not, not nude showers. Phyllis: What you mean not nude showers? Don: It's gotta be a special shower, you know. Phyllis: What kind of shower? Don: With these special clothes on it. Phyllis: You mean, you wear clothes when you . . . ? Don: These clothes! These are the clothes . . .



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