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Cousin Earl

アーティスト:The Dead Milkmen  アルバム:Metaphysical Graffiti 

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Now, you wanna talk about bladder problems, then the man you wanna talk to will probably be my cousin Earl. I guess you all know Earl; he lives out on Route 13 out on that maggot farm. Earl don't like it when you get his maggot farm confused with a worm farm. A worm farm is for worms, and a maggot farm is for maggots, and Earl's got the biggest maggots in the state. Three feet long. Of course, now Earl believes this might be due to the fact that St. Smithen's Medical Facility has been dumping their waste on his property. Interesting thing about three-foot maggots is that... that, well, one day the china disappeared, and then the next day his television disappeared, and then a few days after that, his '57 Chevy disappeared. But there they are: the world's biggest maggots. Anyway, one day, Earl and I were standin' in the kitchen, giant maggots crawlin' across the floor, and Earl turns to me, and he says, "Do you ever go to make a pork sausage, and find that it's got hairs all over it?" and he gives me a look that still chills me to this day. Now, Earl's got a son, and they call him Earl Junior, which I think is pretty clever, since he is Earl's son. He's not really a normal boy, ever since that tractor accident. Anyway, he ran up $5,000 worth of "976-" phone bills. He called weird, unnatural numbers, like "976-PIGG" with two G's, and "976-SHEEP", which has five letters in it, I know. He's a sick boy. Earl suggested that, well, maybe I talk to him. So I went into his bedroom, and I sat him down, but before I could say a word, Earl Junior looked at me, and he said, "Didja ever go to make a pork sausage, and find it's got hairs all over it?" And he gave me a look that still chills me to this day. Now, Earl's got a daughter, and they call her Effie-Sue. And Effie-Sue, she don't look so much like a little girl, as she looks like a... a big pile of fungus. Earl blames this, too, on the fact that St. Smithen's Medical Facility has been dumpin' on his maggot farm. And, I never had much contact with Essie... Effie-Sue. Excuse me, I don't even think that much of her to get her name right. I never had much contact with her. She just normallyjust sits on the couch like a little ball of fungus and just... boils away. Well, one day, she looked at me, and that little ball of fungus opened its mouth (or what I guess was its mouth - I'd hate to think what else it could be), and out of that orifice floated the words, "Didja ever go to make a... a pork sausage and find it's got hair all over it?", and then that... that little pile of fungus gave me a look that chills me to this day. Now, Earl's got a wife, and we call her... Wife. We don't know her name, because she's never really said that much. For the longest time,


投稿者: PetitLyrics
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