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Your Horoscope for Today
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(Aquarius!) There's travel in your future when your tongue freezes to the back of a speeding bus Fill that void in your pathetic life by playing Whack-A-Mole 17 hours a day (Pisces!) Try to avoid any Virgos or Leos with the Ebola virus You are the true Lord of the Dance, no matter what those idiots at work say (Aries!) The look on your face will be priceless when you find that 40-pound watermelon in your colon Trade toothbrushes with an albino dwarf, then give a hickey to Meryl Streep (Taurus!) You will never find true happiness - what you gonna do, cry about it? The stars predict tomorrow you'll wake up, do a bunch of stuff and then go back to sleep That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today That's your horoscope for today (Gemini!) Your birthday party will be ruined once again by your explosive flatulence Your love life will run into trouble when your fiancé hurls a javelin through your chest (Cancer!) The position of Jupiter says that you should spend the rest of the week face down in the mud Try not to shove a roll of duct tape up your nose while taking your driver's test (Leo!) Now is not a good time to photocopy your butt and staple it to your boss's face, oh no Eat a bucket of tuna-flavored pudding, then wash it down with a gallon of strawberry Quik (Virgo!) All Virgos are extremely friendly and intelligent - except for you Expect a big surprise today when you wind up with your head impaled upon a stick That's your horoscope for today

Posted By: PetitLyrics
Number of PetitLyrics Plays:127


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