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Billy The Mountain

アーティスト：Dweezil Zappa  アルバム：Return of the Son Of... 

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Billy the mountain Billy the mountain A regular picturesque postcardy mountain Residing between lovely Rosamond and Gorman With his stunning wife Ethel A tree, a tree Billy was a mountain Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder Billy was a mountain Billy was a mountain Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder Ethel was a tree growing off of his shoulder (Hey, hey, hey) Billy had two big caves for eyes And a cliff for a jaw that would go up and down And whenever it did, he'd puff out some dust And hack up a boulder, hack Hack up a boulder, hack hack Hack up a boulder, hack hack Hack up a boulder Now, one day, and I believe it was on a Tuesday A man in checkered double-knit suit drove up in large Eldorado Cadillac leased from Bob Spreene ("Where the freeways meet in Downey!") And he laid a huge bulging envelope right at the corner of Billy the mountain That was right where his foot was supposed to be Now Billy the mountain, he couldn't believe it: All those postcards he'd posed for, for all of those years And finally, now at last, his royalties "Royalties, royalties, royalties! The royalty check is in, honey!" Yes, Billy the mountain was rich Yes, and his eyeball caves, they widened in amazement And his jaw, which was a cliff, well, it dropped thirty feet A bunch of dust puffed out Rocks and boulders hacked up, hack hack Crushing the Lincoln I gave him the money He acted real funny He hacked up a rock and It totaled my car Oh do you know any trucks Might be bound for the valley? I don't wanna stand here All night in this bar (Dear Lord I) don't wanna stand here All night in this bar (No shit I) don't wanna stand here All night in this bar By two o'clock, when bars had already closed down Billy had broken the big news to Ethel, ahhh And with rock dust and boulders everywhere Billy, choked with excitement, announced "Ethel, we're going on a vacation" Yes, and they were going on a vacation Oh, and Ethel, Ethel, Ethel, like any little woman, she of course was very excited She creaked a little bit and some old birds flew off of her Billy told Ethel they were going to Yes, they where going to New York "Ethel, we're going to New York" But first they were gonna stop in Las Vegas It's off to Las Vegas to check out the lounges Pull a few handles and drink a few beers (Chug-a-lug-a-lug) Ethel, my darling, you know that I love you I'm glad we could have a vacation this year (Oh neat-o) Glad we could have a vacation this year They left that night, crunchin' across the Mojave Desert Their voices echoing thru the canyons of your minds "Ethel, wanna get a cuppa cawfee? Howard Johnson's, ahhh there's a Howard Johnson's Wanna eat some clams?" The first noteworthy piece of real estate they destroyed was Edwards Air Force Base And to this very day, wing-nuts and data reduction clerks alike speak in reverent whispers about that fateful night when Test Stand Number One and the rocket sled itself got lunched I said lunched, by a famous mountain and his small wooden wife Word just in to the KTTV news service Undeniably links this mountain and his wife to drug abuse and payoffs as part of San Joaquin Valley smut ring However, we can assure parents in the Southern California area that a recent narcotic crackdown in Torrance Hawthorne ... Lomita ... Westchester ... Playa del Rey ... Santa Monica ... Sunland ... Tujunga ... San Fernando ... Pacoima ... Sylmar ... Newhall ... Canoga Park ... Palmdale ... Glendale ... Irwindale ... Rolling Hills ... Granada Hills ... Shadow Hills ... Cheviot Hills ... Will provide the secret evidence the Palmdale Grand Jury has needed to seek a criminal indictment And pave the way for stiffer legislation, increased federal aid And avert a crippling strike of bartenders and veterinarians throughout the inland empire Within the week, Jerry Lewis had hosted a telethon (La La La nice lady) To raise funds for the injured, (injured), and homeless, "homeless" in Glendale As Billy had just levelled it And just at that point a few miles right outside of town Billy lad caused a 'Oh mine papa' in the earth's crust Right over the secret underground dumps, right near the Jack In The Box on Glenoaks Where they keep the pools of old poison gas and obsolete germ bombs Just as a freak tornado cruised through Yes, it was about three o'clock in the afternoon when little Howard Kaplan was sitting on his porch ("Toto...!") Just playing ("Come here, Toto ...!") and having a nice time with his little accordion, ("Toto...!") And this weird wind came up, direct from Glendale, blowing all of these terrible germs in his direction And all this caused by huge mountain ("Aunty Em") (Somewhere over the rainbow, blue birds fly) Sucking up two-thirds of it ( suck, suck, suck) For an untimely dispersal over vast stretches of Watts Now, unless I misunderstood, it was right outside of Columbus, Ohio when Billy received his notice to report for his induction physical Now Ethel said, lemme tell ya, Ethel, Ethel said she wasn't gonna let him go ... "I'm not gonna let you go, Billy" That's right, we now have confirmed reports from an informed Orange County minister that Ethel is still an active communist And it is this reporter's opinion that she also practices coven witchcraft It was about this time that the telephone rang inside of the secret briefcase Belonging to the one mortal man who might be able to stop all of this senseless destruction and save America herself And I'm sorry to disappoint some of you, it was not Sarah Palin This one man was Studebaker Hoch, fantastic new super hero of the current economic slump Now, some folks say he looked like Zubin Mehta (Zubin Mehta) Still others say "Bullshit, honey, it was just some greasy guy who happened to be born next to the frozen beef pies at Boney's Market..." Still others say "Pshaw, and piss on you, Jack, he was just some crazy Italian who drove a red car" You see, nobody ever really knew for sure because Studebacher Hoch, well, he was so mysterious He was so mysterious He was so (he was so) mysterious 'Cause when a person gets to be such a hero, folks And marvelous beyond compute You can never really tell about a guy like that Whether he's really a nice person Or if he just smiles a lot Or if he has a son named Pinocchio or what Whether he's really a nice person Or if he has a son named Pinocchio or what Some men say he could fly Some men say he could swim Others say he could sing like Neil Sedaka And all the girls in Flushing would be amazed of him Two, three, amazed of him, amazed Time passing January, February, June and July, March, July, Wednesday, two-thirty in the afternoon, Irwindale, Sunday, Funny Cars,



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